Having spent the last several hours crawling through filthy ventilation systems with John McClane has finally paid off, as we have reached a vent that will give us access to the main hangar of the Spud Star, where our ship, the Orca, is sits unguarded. Darth Tater has deployed all of his Spudtroopers to the other decks, never considering that we might be planning to steal aboard our vessel and escape; he knows me too well to think I would ever abandon the rest of the crew, who are his prisoners. But he has not reckoned on John McClane, who considers our teammates hippies, and has no compunction about ruthlessly abandoning them to make our getaway. Little do we know that out there in the coldness of space, closer than we could imagine, there lurks a ship carrying men who are more desperate, hungry, and ruthless than John McClane, Tucker, and Darth Tater put together …
As we cautiously emerge into the hangar, outside, unnoticed by either of us, a large and threatening ship drifts into view …
Before we can make good our escape, the mysterious vessel broadcasts a dire threat, sending the entire Spud Station to high alert!
It seems that we have been intercepted by the deadly Rice Pirates! I have heard whispered tales about these evil privateers, who travel the universe seeking out civilizations that have become advanced enough to manufacture rice in a box, and plundering them to feed their insatiable desire for carbs; but I always thought such rumors too far-fetched to credit. It appears I was wrong. Yet their appearance may have given us the opening we’ve been waiting for.
In the confusion of the mass-julienning of Darth Tater’s Spudtroopers, we fire up the Orca‘s engines and make our escape from the hangar; but then the Rice Pirates, belying their fearsome reputation, make what can only be described as a rookie mistake.
Having thus revealed their hand, the Rice Pirates are forced to flee before the Spud Star destroys them. And as the Orca has passed perilously close to their vessel, their warp field draws us in, as a whirlpool pulls in the water around it.
Our small engines are unable to break us free, and we vanish into the wormhole along with these odious villains. Even worse, my fedora is once again left behind!
Who knows where the slipstream of the Rice Pirates will take us! We may end up on their homeworld, wherever it is, or somewhere even less savory. Only time will tell. But I will find my way back to my hat, because I am Dennis the Vizsla, and I never give up.
